Singleness can be a delicate conversation. Some of you are arriving at this blog post feeling deeply saddened, heartbroken, or fearful of the future of your relationship status. For others, the words you are about to read feel like old news—you love being single and you’re thriving. Or maybe, this all feels cliché, and you’re rolling your eyes that this is what we’re talking about the day before Valentine’s Day. My prayer is that wherever you are in your relationship status that you would know that the God of the Universe has you wrapped up in His arms and that you hear His gentle and kind whisper say that you are loved beyond measure. 

One day, I was in Trader Joe’s looking at flowers that I was going to pick out for myself, something I do often, to add a little bit of beauty to my home. Stringer C is beautiful, but a pop of color never hurt anyone. As I was scanning the wide selection, crafting a beautiful bouquet in my mind, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation of the two girls next to me. They were looking just as closely before one of them said, “I will NEVER buy myself flowers—I’m waiting on my man to do that.”  

My heart sank faster than I’ve ever felt before. Not because of what this implied for my singleness, but for sadness in what this girl was missing in hers.  

In John 10:10, Jesus says that “the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Jesus has already come (and is coming back soon I might add), which means that life to the full in Him is now! The life to the full that Jesus is referring to here has more to do with His death for our sins and the freedom found on the cross than it has to do with buying flowers. But I do think that singleness is often spoken about in terms of lack, completely missing the narrative of abundance. We need not be in a romantic relationship to experience life to the full—this is available to you now—single, dating, engaged, or married. This one is for my single friends—Let’s talk the how.  

First. For goodness’ sake—buy the flowers! Go to the concert alone! Go to the dance with your girlfriends! Without jealousy, envy, or wishing for what life could be or may be some day— enjoy it for what it is! There are beautiful things passing you by because you are afraid. Maybe it’s how it looks to eat alone in a restaurant, maybe it’s insecurity, or missing who you used to go with. Be not afraid, my friend. You have all you need. And don’t let me tell you about how you never go alone—we don’t have to go further than Scripture to find that our truest friend is closer than our very breath (Acts 17:28).  

Similar to buying the flowers, I would offer you this: say yes to everything. In your singleness you have an abundance of time and an abundance of freedom for you to spend as you wish. Maximize that—go to the ends of the earth or the end of your street. Unpack what you are passionate about, how you love people best, and go do a lot of that. Saying yes in my singleness brought me across the country to AU. It has also led me to fireworks in the mountains, to babysit while a Mama has another baby, the Jersey coast, and chaperoning dances. This idea is borrowed from my mentor who doesn’t know me, Bob Goff. In his book “Love Does” he offers this: “I used to think that you had to be special for God to use you, but now I know that you simply need to say yes.” Give your yes away like it’s candy—you have no idea where the Lord may lead you.  

Last but not least, I’ll offer you this: go deeper. Often, when I think about why I am ready to be done being single, it is because I am craving relational intimacy with another. And that is on offer for us in friendship. You were created to be in community as you are. Be brave! Seek to know others deeply and allow yourself to be deeply known. You, showing up as yourself, offer a friendship that literally no one else can offer another, as a fearfully and wonderfully made bearer of God’s image. You and others are at a loss by you not leaning into the community available to you now, as a single person or in a relationship.  

There was a point in time where being friends with a husband and wife was incredibly intimidating to me. I used to think that to hang out with and be friends with people that were married, I had to come with a significant other, or at least bring someone with me. If I’m being honest, it brought out every insecurity that I had in singleness and made me envy what they had. After some time with the Lord and sweet time with married friends who changed this narrative, my eyes were opened to see all that is beautiful about cheering on my married friends and walking in rich community with them. I learned that to hang out with people who were married, or anyone for that matter, I just had to show up—and that was enough. It can feel funny at first, but trust me when I say, it’s worth it. I couldn’t count the dining room tables my married friends and I have cried at, babies I’ve gotten to hold, doggos I’ve gotten to pet, and prayers I’ve gotten to pray with these that I love. It truly is a gift from God that we get to love and be loved.  

All of that being said, you could wait on someone to buy those flowers for you. Probably save a few dollars that way. Or you could fill your house with them and then buy some for your friends, too. There is life to the full on offer for you today, especially in your singleness.